dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
