So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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