Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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