can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
