i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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