Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
