people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
operation harelip BJ is a go
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
