I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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