actually, I'm a sock model
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
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I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
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I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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