Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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