There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
a search helicopter?!
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
