You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
