i just had sex bonerless
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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