who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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