I showed him my bush... on skype.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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