just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
