At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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