How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
please don't ironically join a cult
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