You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
