God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
