Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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