My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
