Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
