why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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