DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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