Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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