I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
