Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
