I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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