I heard we made out
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
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I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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