Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize