did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
