we're chasing vodka with high fives
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
