i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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