how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
whose parrot is this?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
