his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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