I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
