Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
