Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
