The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
