Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Randomize
