He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
