You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
