What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
