We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
