Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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