After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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