Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize