my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I am midnight drunk by noon
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
