I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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