Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
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The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
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Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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