I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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