There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
