Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
