I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
