Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She bit a glass in half.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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