I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
