She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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