My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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