Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
