I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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